Are intelligence and humor attractive?

There’s no end to articles on what women find desirable in men, and most of the time they give you an answer like this: intelligence, a sense of humor and kindness. But it’s so obviously bullsh*t it’s mind boggling. Let me ask you this: have you ever seen a guy with a PhD in Physics giving a lecture on quantum theory and then taking some of his groupies to his hotel room for a night of fun? The answer is of course no, groupies are after rock stars and such. Are rock stars intelligent and kind? Do they have a great sense of humor? Even if they do, that’s not what women find attractive about them.

There is of course a logical explanation why women give answers like this: this is what they think. The real truth is not very complicated but hidden. Lots of guys figured it out lately, most of them PUAs.

Thing is, women unconsciously divide men into two groups: attractive or not. And when the question arises about what they want from a man, they only imagine the first group in their minds, and start talking about how they’d choose from that group. What they really mean is they want somebody from the first group who is intelligent and caring, etc. But guys have to understand that intelligence and humor can not get you from the second group (unattractive) to the first (attractive). What men want is the secret of ‘gina tingles, but intelligence and humor are not it.

These are “secondary traits”. If you’re already attractive, these can help you to be more successful than other attractive men, but if you’re not attractive they’re worth a lot less. What are the “primary traits”? PUAs will tell you: social dominance, status and such but they’re not the topic of this post.

When I was young I always thought that my IQ will help me get laid. In a sense it did, but not that much really, and sometimes it was holding me back. Lots of less intelligent guys fared a lot better than me and I was confused. I came to the conclusion that intelligence and humor won’t really help you, but I was wrong.

Your IQ will help you indirectly. IQ is only a secondary trait in dating but it can help you understand how things work and what the primary traits are, so it gives you a chance to become attractive. This is what we call game. It’s about using your head to figure things out and then build on this knowledge to gain more success. In a sense game is the “weapon” intelligent guys always wanted.

Game is not for everyone. To understand the underlying principles (sociology, evopsych, etc) you need to have a certain IQ. Without that game is just a bag of tricks. Yes, tricks themselves can help but it’s not the same. To beat unexpected challenges, to be able to improvise you need a deeper understanding. This is especially true in a long term relationship because your girl will inevitably see below the surface (if she has an IQ similar to yours, that is). Quality women can’t be fooled for long and I believe you want quality women for LTRs.

So, to answer the original question: yes, intelligence is attractive but you have to “use it on yourself”, not “on the girl”. Use it to understand what attracts her and develop the necessary traits. Is humor attractive? In and of itself no, it isn’t. When a girl listens to a stand-up comedian she won’t get ‘gina tingles. But humor is needed as a “lubricant” in edgy situations, for example shit tests. You have to have a decent sense of humor to be able to reframe things. And in an LTR it can help you to smoothen rough edges.

So you’re intelligent and have a good sense of humor but never had great success with women? Wander around bewildered no more, the solution is here :)

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16 Responses to Are intelligence and humor attractive?

  1. vasafaxa says:

    Depends on the crowd. I personally find really smart guys incredibly attractive. Although I don’t understand quantum physics a guy who could explain it to me would have serious points. In fact many of my serious attractions begin with some kind of intellectual discussion. The key is though, to difference yourself between the nerd and the sexy smart guy is to have some social skills.

    Let me put it this way. The virgin TA who can play any kind of sonata on the piano, and can discuss in detail different kinds of theory. Attractive. Lots of girls even like him. But he always screws it up by being whiny and creepy. I.e showing up to the club in a nerdy music shirt with his sweatshirt tied around his waist whining about how things should go back to the 1950s and how no girls will talk to him.

    Or perhaps it was when he found my dating profile on a website and addressed me as Vasafaxa in public. And said that he’d do me. Or maybe it was when I was doing handstands in a hallway for a while and he sat there watching for a good minute before saying hello.

    Intelligence and nerdiness can be incredibly incredibly sexy if you do it right, unfortunately the trappings of low social skills that come with it are unattractive.

  2. Deansdale says:

    My LTR said a similar thing yesterday but after a bit of discussion she conceded that initially she found my arrogance sexy, being intelligent was only a “bonus” :)

  3. vasafaxa says:

    Arrogance is certainly a part of it. But the smarts act as the credit to the arrogance. I can’t stand arrogant stupid men, especially when I know more about what they’re talking about than I do.

  4. mormonmen says:

    Thanks for the link.

  5. H305 says:

    Great blog so far. I’m looking forward to reading more and applying it so I can reach my full potential.

  6. La Vagina Dentante says:

    Looks are attractive. If a physics professor is good looking, then he’ll get women. Many rock stars (not all) are also good looking guys. Heck, even Mick Jagger was quite dashing in his youth (but not now obviously). The missing link with guys and what they are not getting is LOOKS MATTER.

    And yes, Tiger Woods IS good looking for goodness sake. Not drop dead gorgeous, but good looking.

  7. La Vagina Dentante says:

    And Vasafaxa, you are right. Good looking guys (whether nerds or not) can ruin attraction through their behaviour. I know several hot looking guys who I won’t give the time of day to precisely because of their behaviour or lack of intelligence.

    Another thing – ADD, ADHD, depression and other behavioural or emotional disorders will cause men to become un-datable. I have a cousin who suffers from a few and I can barely stand to be around him now, poor thing. He stands no chance in the sexual market place, despite being cute looking.

  8. Deansdale says:

    Looks matter of course but not that much. This is a typical case of projection: men are attracted to good looking women and so they think women must be attracted to good looking guys. This is false. It’s also false the other way around: women are attracted to high-status dominant men and so they think men are attracted to dominant women. This is why intelligent career women can’t understand why male CEOs marry secretaries instead of them. (Hence the retarded slogan “men are afraid of powerful women”.)
    Women’s looks are important because the basic biological (unconscious) selection method for men is looking for signs of fertility. Men’s looks are not that important because a man’s fertility doesn’t change that much from 14 to 40.

    And some hideous guys have beautiful girlfriends :)
    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UglyGuyHotWife

  9. La Vagina Dentante says:

    Hideous guys with gorgeous women are outliers. Most people date and marry within their own range of looks, a point or 2 up or down either way.

    I notice that guys on the internet tend to be in denial over how much looks actually do matter to women, despite the fact that women ourselves are telling them that looks do in fact matter. If I say I only date good looking guys, that means I only date good looking guys. It’s not a projection, it’s a fact.

    When women get together we talk about guys in objective ways – looks, penis size jokes, etc.

    The sooner guys learn about the real nature of women and stop deflecting, the better for you.

    I’m just trying to help.

  10. Deansdale says:

    I’ll bet a 1000$ that a female CEO will rather marry a bad looking male CEO than a good looking postman. Women are divorcing good-looking husbands all the time. Good looks is a factor when flirting but otherwise it doesn’t mean that much.
    I don’t know where I read it but it’s true that if George Clooney was a homeless guy no women would date him. Also I saw the sociology experiments where 3 women were asked to tell if they would date some guys, and their opinion was radically different when the same guy turned up in a used car wearing a sweater or when he turned up in a bentley wearing a suit. They said the “first one” was a loser and the “second one” was a desirable guy. It was the same guy for God’s sake. The obvious conclusion is that how you present yourself matters a lot more than what your face looks like. And you can present yourself a lot better without using money – that’s game.

    Most people date and marry within their own range of looks, a point or 2 up or down either way.
    This is true for sex rank, not looks.

  11. vasafaxa says:

    I would much rather date an “ugly” guy with a great personality than a good looking one. I don’t trust good looking guys actually.

  12. La Vagina Dentant says:

    It doesn’t have to be either or. I’d rather date a good looking guy who had it together than an ugly guy who had it together. And I’d rather date a good looking poor guy than an ugly poor guy.

    For every good looking guy that is a “loser” out there, there is a good looking winner.

    We do not have to settle for ugly winners, we just don’t.

    Sure, in Hollywood a hot guy like Common dates a below-average-manly-looking Serena Williams and a hot woman like Beyonce marries an ugly Jay Z.

    But they are the rich and famous, movers and shakers.

    Amongst us ordinary folks I never see a woman as hot as Beyonce with a guy as ugly as Jay Z OR a guy as hot as Common with a woman as ugly as Serena.

    Perform this social experiment:

    One day this week go out and PEOPLE WATCH for a good 3 hours. Come back and report here how many 8’s you see with 6’s – 10’s and how many 8’s you see with 3’s.

  13. Deansdale says:

    I’d rather date a good looking guy who had it together than an ugly guy who had it together.
    Ok, but the “had it together” part is the more important one :)

    We do not have to settle for ugly winners, we just don’t.
    Please don’t settle for us.

    how many 8′s you see with 6′s – 10′s and how many 8′s you see with 3′s
    If a guy is an 8, game is the difference between dating 6’s or dating 10’s. And if a guy is a 4 with good game he can date the same 6’s that 8’s used to date. I’d say these are important little nuances.

    I never said looks didn’t matter at all. I only say it’s a single factor of a complex rating system.

  14. La Vagina Dentanta says:

    Of course a 4 can date a 6. That’s my whole point. People date and marry, in the main, up to 2 points higher or lower than them on the looks scale. Anything outside of that is found in Hollywood or is an otherwise outlier. Thankyou for proving my point, mate.

  15. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Absentee Edition (NSFW)

  16. stagetwo says:

    when women say they’re attracted to men who can make them laugh, they’re telling the truth. this statement is within the small subset of what is true about female sexual preference and what is socially acceptable. so women feel good saying this.

    humor is attractive because it is a demonstration of a good life, of control, and of social power and dominance over her and other people. humor, like a tickle attack among close friends or siblings, is actually domination, but a socially acceptable variant.

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